DVD_commentary, end of "The Undone Years"
Nov. 29th, 2009 08:11 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
vain_gloriousAsugar asked for the end of "The Undone Years," a long time ago and a fever and Thanksgiving interfered, so here we go:
Commentary in bold.
“Yeah,” Sheppard agreed. “Doesn’t really matter, though.” He waited, watched Teyla examine the inside of her coffee cup. “I’m sorry, Teyla,” he said.
I thought it was important for him to apologize to her. He's been pretty dickish to her this whole time, even after accepting that he's the anomaly in her universe, not the other way around. And he's going to pull a real dick move, again, shortly.
“I am sorry, as well,” Teyla said, raising her eyes. “I did not…” she paused. “I did not expect this.”
“Me neither,” Sheppard said, genuinely. “I thought…I thought there’d be a way to get your husband back.” And get me home, he added silently.
“You are my husband,” Teyla said, immediately. Before he could speak, she went on. “When you fell, they told me that you would die. I did not expect to…I did not expect to ever be with you again.” She paused. “This is better.”
This is, of course, the premise of the story. Sheppard is still Sheppard, he's just a Sheppard who never found Atlantis. Teyla has known this all along, even if she doesn't know the five years that got undone (hehehe). She fell in love with Sheppard, who's not the easiest guy in the world to love in any universe, and Teyla's an unusually tolerant woman to begin with. She's lost her people and her galaxy up to this point, so it's a win to her to have her husband alive, period. Even if he's a little different. I never had Sheppard tell Teyla the extent of their lives on Atlantis, so she really doesn't understand how meaningful those Undone years are to him. To her it's keeping her husband, to him it's the loss of the defining experience of his life.
Sheppard didn’t say anything.
It's not better. It's different. Sheppard might be growing attached to this world and to this Teyla, but to accept that outright would to be deliberately denying everything that happened in Pegasus that he remembers. Sheppard can't do that.
“I have lost a little,” Teyla continued. Her hands jerked on the table top like she wanted to touch him and was restraining herself. “You have lost more, I think.” She took a deep breath. “I understand that you want to make it right.”
Same Sheppard in this 'verse and any other. She knows what he's going to do, because of course he's going to try.
“You do?”
Teyla nodded, but her eyes were beginning to glitter. “You must try,” she said. “I understand.”
She's hoping for 'try' not 'succeed.' It breaks her heart and she can't hope for success, but she has to let him try.
Sheppard didn’t move. He put one hand down on the table, covering hers. Beneath his touch, he could feel her trembling.
“What’s with all the yellow?” he asked. “In our house.”
Teyla tilted her head and didn’t answer for a second. “It is the color of fertility,” she said, clearly.
Here's a good enough opportunity as any other to talk about this: there should have been a sex scene in this fic. The kiss in the basketball gym has to suffice, but I'll own up as an author here. There should have been one. Not NC-17, but a good R-rated John and Teyla have sex scene. Why I didn't is complicated: for one, the John/Teylaness of this story was a bit unintended. I'm a gen writer, and by gen I mean the SGAfandom definition of gen, which means the characters are essentially asexual. The vast majority of this fandom is slash and I'm aware that some of the readers only read gen if they can pretend it's slash without the in-text sex. And I'm a gen writer so I don't know that my het writing is up to snuff. So when this story started getting less gen and more het, I evaluated my audience and kept it gennish. If I were braver, there'd have been a full blown sex scene, probably after the kiss in the gym.
But it wouldn't have gotten Teyla pregnant, because a husband from another universe doesn't undo bullet wound damage to the uterus.
Moving on...
“Oh,” Sheppard said, nodding. That made sense. “Okay.” He paused. “Will you speak to Ford and Lorne for me?” he asked.
“If I must,” Teyla answered.
She's not hoping for success and he can't ask that of her.
Fair enough. “Tell ‘em,” Sheppard said, “and tell Landry, to look under the ocean. That’s where I’ll be.”
With the hand that wasn’t covering hers, he turned her face towards his. Her eyes were swimming with tears as he leaned his forehead in and touched it to hers.
Teyla pulled one hand free from his grasp, brought it up and cupped the back of his head, holding him against her tightly. Sheppard let her stay. He could feel the warmth of tears dripping down her face and landing on his neck.
Sheppard gently slipped out of her hold, taking her arm by the wrist and setting it back on the table top. He leaned in and kissed her, lightly, on the lips.
“I’ll see you at home,” he promised. “One way or the other.”
This is as close to a confession of how much he has come to realize that this could be his universe as he'll get. It's not, but it could be. If it doesn't work, he'll still be her husband. If it does work, her husband will be there.
Teyla could have stopped him. She knew exactly what he intended. She could have screamed for help. Or, she could have physically stopped him from leaving the room. He wouldn’t have fought back, and even if he had, she still would have won.
“I will see you,” Teyla said, in return.
This is why, she's why this could be his universe. She understands. She doesn't get it, but she understands.
Sheppard rose and walked away. He didn’t look back. With purpose, he walked through the hall and took an elevator down to the labs where McKay, Carter, and Jackson had been working.
Miraculously, the room was unguarded. Security cameras would see him, sure, but no one would get here quickly enough to stop him. The device was still sitting on the floor, glowing a gentle green. No one had followed through yet with the General’s order to destroy it.
Sheppard walked up to it. Under the bright lights, it was easy to identify the circle at head level and the hands outlined above it. Sheppard raised his arms, bringing his palms down against the surface. He immediately felt the sparking jolts of electricity McKay had mentioned.
A lot of people seem concerned that Sheppard is risking suicide by activating the machine. Which, of course, he could be. However, the person who advanced this opinion is McKay, who's just a little bit hyperbolic. When it was activated before, Jackson got his hands burned. He didn't get killed. ;)
He didn’t stop.
Leaning forward, Sheppard pressed his forehead into the circle and closed his eyes.
He waited a second, the machine already tingling against his skin.
Then, with a thought, he turned it on and thought of home.
So, what happened to Sheppard? That outcome is entirely up to the reader's decision. I know some want him to stay, stay in this 'verse with this Teyla. He's already fixed as much of Pegasus as he can - Ronon - and you know if he stayed he'd start meddling in on-going missions there. Or maybe his consciousness goes home, where he's regaled with stories of this bizarro alien in his body who beat the hell out of innocent old Kanaan. Or maybe he goes to a brand new 'verse and steals yet another Sheppard's body. I don't think he considered this option, though it was somewhat implied by the round-table discussion of how the device worked. But he had to try. I've pondered writing an epilogue with some of these options but thought it would be too maudlin. And also, if Sheppard stayed in this 'verse, it'd be time for that missing sex scene.
That was fun. It's really interesting to think about fic after the fact.
Commentary in bold.
“Yeah,” Sheppard agreed. “Doesn’t really matter, though.” He waited, watched Teyla examine the inside of her coffee cup. “I’m sorry, Teyla,” he said.
I thought it was important for him to apologize to her. He's been pretty dickish to her this whole time, even after accepting that he's the anomaly in her universe, not the other way around. And he's going to pull a real dick move, again, shortly.
“I am sorry, as well,” Teyla said, raising her eyes. “I did not…” she paused. “I did not expect this.”
“Me neither,” Sheppard said, genuinely. “I thought…I thought there’d be a way to get your husband back.” And get me home, he added silently.
“You are my husband,” Teyla said, immediately. Before he could speak, she went on. “When you fell, they told me that you would die. I did not expect to…I did not expect to ever be with you again.” She paused. “This is better.”
This is, of course, the premise of the story. Sheppard is still Sheppard, he's just a Sheppard who never found Atlantis. Teyla has known this all along, even if she doesn't know the five years that got undone (hehehe). She fell in love with Sheppard, who's not the easiest guy in the world to love in any universe, and Teyla's an unusually tolerant woman to begin with. She's lost her people and her galaxy up to this point, so it's a win to her to have her husband alive, period. Even if he's a little different. I never had Sheppard tell Teyla the extent of their lives on Atlantis, so she really doesn't understand how meaningful those Undone years are to him. To her it's keeping her husband, to him it's the loss of the defining experience of his life.
Sheppard didn’t say anything.
It's not better. It's different. Sheppard might be growing attached to this world and to this Teyla, but to accept that outright would to be deliberately denying everything that happened in Pegasus that he remembers. Sheppard can't do that.
“I have lost a little,” Teyla continued. Her hands jerked on the table top like she wanted to touch him and was restraining herself. “You have lost more, I think.” She took a deep breath. “I understand that you want to make it right.”
Same Sheppard in this 'verse and any other. She knows what he's going to do, because of course he's going to try.
“You do?”
Teyla nodded, but her eyes were beginning to glitter. “You must try,” she said. “I understand.”
She's hoping for 'try' not 'succeed.' It breaks her heart and she can't hope for success, but she has to let him try.
Sheppard didn’t move. He put one hand down on the table, covering hers. Beneath his touch, he could feel her trembling.
“What’s with all the yellow?” he asked. “In our house.”
Teyla tilted her head and didn’t answer for a second. “It is the color of fertility,” she said, clearly.
Here's a good enough opportunity as any other to talk about this: there should have been a sex scene in this fic. The kiss in the basketball gym has to suffice, but I'll own up as an author here. There should have been one. Not NC-17, but a good R-rated John and Teyla have sex scene. Why I didn't is complicated: for one, the John/Teylaness of this story was a bit unintended. I'm a gen writer, and by gen I mean the SGAfandom definition of gen, which means the characters are essentially asexual. The vast majority of this fandom is slash and I'm aware that some of the readers only read gen if they can pretend it's slash without the in-text sex. And I'm a gen writer so I don't know that my het writing is up to snuff. So when this story started getting less gen and more het, I evaluated my audience and kept it gennish. If I were braver, there'd have been a full blown sex scene, probably after the kiss in the gym.
But it wouldn't have gotten Teyla pregnant, because a husband from another universe doesn't undo bullet wound damage to the uterus.
Moving on...
“Oh,” Sheppard said, nodding. That made sense. “Okay.” He paused. “Will you speak to Ford and Lorne for me?” he asked.
“If I must,” Teyla answered.
She's not hoping for success and he can't ask that of her.
Fair enough. “Tell ‘em,” Sheppard said, “and tell Landry, to look under the ocean. That’s where I’ll be.”
With the hand that wasn’t covering hers, he turned her face towards his. Her eyes were swimming with tears as he leaned his forehead in and touched it to hers.
Teyla pulled one hand free from his grasp, brought it up and cupped the back of his head, holding him against her tightly. Sheppard let her stay. He could feel the warmth of tears dripping down her face and landing on his neck.
Sheppard gently slipped out of her hold, taking her arm by the wrist and setting it back on the table top. He leaned in and kissed her, lightly, on the lips.
“I’ll see you at home,” he promised. “One way or the other.”
This is as close to a confession of how much he has come to realize that this could be his universe as he'll get. It's not, but it could be. If it doesn't work, he'll still be her husband. If it does work, her husband will be there.
Teyla could have stopped him. She knew exactly what he intended. She could have screamed for help. Or, she could have physically stopped him from leaving the room. He wouldn’t have fought back, and even if he had, she still would have won.
“I will see you,” Teyla said, in return.
This is why, she's why this could be his universe. She understands. She doesn't get it, but she understands.
Sheppard rose and walked away. He didn’t look back. With purpose, he walked through the hall and took an elevator down to the labs where McKay, Carter, and Jackson had been working.
Miraculously, the room was unguarded. Security cameras would see him, sure, but no one would get here quickly enough to stop him. The device was still sitting on the floor, glowing a gentle green. No one had followed through yet with the General’s order to destroy it.
Sheppard walked up to it. Under the bright lights, it was easy to identify the circle at head level and the hands outlined above it. Sheppard raised his arms, bringing his palms down against the surface. He immediately felt the sparking jolts of electricity McKay had mentioned.
A lot of people seem concerned that Sheppard is risking suicide by activating the machine. Which, of course, he could be. However, the person who advanced this opinion is McKay, who's just a little bit hyperbolic. When it was activated before, Jackson got his hands burned. He didn't get killed. ;)
He didn’t stop.
Leaning forward, Sheppard pressed his forehead into the circle and closed his eyes.
He waited a second, the machine already tingling against his skin.
Then, with a thought, he turned it on and thought of home.
So, what happened to Sheppard? That outcome is entirely up to the reader's decision. I know some want him to stay, stay in this 'verse with this Teyla. He's already fixed as much of Pegasus as he can - Ronon - and you know if he stayed he'd start meddling in on-going missions there. Or maybe his consciousness goes home, where he's regaled with stories of this bizarro alien in his body who beat the hell out of innocent old Kanaan. Or maybe he goes to a brand new 'verse and steals yet another Sheppard's body. I don't think he considered this option, though it was somewhat implied by the round-table discussion of how the device worked. But he had to try. I've pondered writing an epilogue with some of these options but thought it would be too maudlin. And also, if Sheppard stayed in this 'verse, it'd be time for that missing sex scene.
That was fun. It's really interesting to think about fic after the fact.
