Five times Cameron had sex with a member of SG-1.

[vain_glorious]

1. Teal’c, on that rotten little planet whose natives were, wisely, not very fond of Jaffa.

Why they chose sex to acquit Teal’c - “ritual performance of an act that requires trust, intimacy, and vulnerability”, yes, thank you, Dr. Jackson, it was a rhetorical question – Cameron didn’t know.

Further, why they chose Cameron to participate – “As the leader, you represent the people asking them to accept what they see as a threat into their midst and they just want you to accept it first” got it, Jackson, shut up – Cameron also didn’t know.

And all things considered, sex with Teal’c wasn’t as bad as, say, still being locked in that cozy basement cell when the Ori came calling.

It was just kind of bulky and intimidating, even before Teal’c took his pants off. Pretty much stayed that way, afterwards.

The people who would shortly become plague victims then escorted the entire team back to the Gate. Cameron put a lot of effort in to walking normally and avoiding eye contact with Jackson and Sam. And they, ultimately somewhat familiar with this walk o’shame, obliged. Vala, of course, showed no discretion, and spent the entire journey harping loudly that she had been the one that had volunteered.

She kept up the act in the Gateroom, too, except dropping all references to what exactly had been at hand. Instead, she got all the medics gathered round her as she identified each and every superficial scratch and bruise the guards had delivered in the somewhat rough removal of Vala, Jackson, and Sam from the cell before the main event.

And while she was the center of attention. Cam quietly slipped out of the Gateroom and was freshly showered before Lam even noticed he was gone.

2. Jackson, on a slightly sunnier but equally rotten little planet where the natives, bizarrely, decided they wanted a baby Taur’i for their zoo, and that Jackson was a girl.

“You’re taking this a lot better than last time,” Jackson said, and he sounded pissy.

“The longer they’re occupied with us, the more time for Teal’c to get Sam and Vala to the gate without anyone checking under the hood,” Cam said.

Daniel had managed to convince their perverted new friends that the women were actually eunuch servants, and Teal’c was their bodyguard.

“I know that,” Jackson said, kicking off his boots. “It was my idea.”

“Why’d you tell them you were a girl?”

“I didn’t.” Jackson “They assumed.” He began undoing his belt. “I don’t know why. We look exactly the same.” Sighing, Cameron followed suit and dropped trou. Jackson gave him a once over with an assessing eye. “Actually, I guess that’s not true. I’m bigger.”

“You’re the girl,” Cameron reminded him. “Bend over.”

And Daniel wasn’t a girl, but his newly pregnant condition came in handy because the natives were unwilling to endanger him and his alleged baby when SG-3 and SG-5 came back through the Gate to rescue them.

The rescuers were confused by this development. Cameron didn't enlighten them, nor did Jackson.

3. Vala, in the storage closet with the busted security camera during one of Teal’c’s shifts in Operation Hanging Out With Invisible Sam.

He could play the idiot and say Vala seduced him, but he does occasionally have greater self-awareness than one might think.

Vala came out of the sad little room after her shift, chewing a thumbnail. They ran into each other in the hallway accidentally, not because Cam made it his business to loiter outside the lab in every free moment, just in case.

So Vala may or may not have been expecting to see him. She bumped into his chest, and distractedly looked up to see who’d she’d encountered. When she realized it was him, she didn’t even say a greeting. Instead, she took her thumb nail down and said,

“What are we going to do if Sam doesn’t come back?”

He didn’t get a chance to completely fail to answer that question, because Vala tilted her head and said, with frighteningly casual conviction: “If they don’t come back, I think I have to leave.”

Cameron said something, he thought. It would have been the right time to say something, and simply using his body to drive her into the closet would have been rude and probably conspicuous. Whatever it was that he said, though, must have been inspirational and direct, because they ended up in the closet immediately afterwards.

It was dark and stuffy, Vala jarringly soft and slick between broom sticks and “Danger –Wet Floor” signs. He got his foot stuck in some maddeningly complex mop-related wringer in the bottom of a bucket, and he was still trapped in the end. Vala had to help him free, afterwards, because it had hold of both his boot and the top of his trousers, and there was no way he could go out in the hallway like that.

In exchange, he helped her re-adjust her clothing in the darkness, and it was dangerously close to some kind of vertical cuddling.

“I will still have to leave,” Vala said, softly, but she sounded a little less … resigned.

He could accept it was a comfort to her, and he supposed it was to him, too. And he stomped down that surge of envy that Vala also had the constant option of refuge in fleeing. Cameron was going to have to watch until the end, and he was probably going to be alone.

4. Sam, a couple of hours after she returned from her little excursion into an alternate dimension while SG-1 kept an empty room company for weeks.

She wanted to know what he said during his shifts on the team mission of “Hanging Out With Invisible Sam”.

He told her, without words, on the floor of his living room, after they fell off the couch and stopped making progress in their increasingly naked efforts to reach his bedroom.

It wasn’t quite clear that she got the message, though when he made a call in the morning to Washington, D.C. to report the return of a teammate – No, not that one, the other one – she may have understood.

5. He did not have sex with Jackson when the man came back from the dead for the ninth or so time. Absolutely not.

But Vala did, and Cameron was there, so he counted it anyway.